day off

It's Tofu and my day off.. we slept in till 8:45. Were hanging out in the living room so he can get some exercise and stretch. Going to the sex shop to get pasties later this afternoon.

out on our own

Tofu and I are living in downtown san diego w Michael! The three of us are so happy! Happier than ever! We really do feel closer together. Am I bi polar or something.. @_@" we love living w master. It's everything I ever dreamed!!!!

moving day

Today I am officially moving. I'm waking up at 4:30 am to get weady and pack my car. I just started orientation at my new job on Thursday so I'm set for work. I leave for sd at 5:30. I also have a rave later at 6 pm. Yay I'm moving!!!!!

interview

just got back from an interview. I feel better than I did last night. I don't why I've been so down lately... It must be the move... sigh... It's our ten monthaversary today. Michael doesn't like monthaversarys .... sigh...

Last words of asami...

I thought you were very busy. I don't know your job so well. I might sound heavy. But l've been waiting for your call for a long time. I never expected that
we would meet again. Sorry to have been childish. It's a hassle living alone. I didn't have anybody to talk with. You are the first one to support me. Warmly wrapping me. And trying to understand me. It's hard to forget about. But someday you'll feel... ...that life is wonderful. That's life isn't it?

These were the last words of asami before she died. The audition was a wonderful japanese horror movie! I feel like asami and I can relate on many levels... like her abusive childhood and her loneliness. Like me, Asami looks innocent and harmless but is really sick and twisted. She believes in torture and pain again like me. No one really knows though how we are both damaged and imperfect.

tough...

Master is watching me blog and he called me a weirdo. My suspicions of him are true. He also called me chubby. Over and out.

TOO LONG!!!!

Hi everyone! It's been way too long since I've written to you. Things have been berry tough lately. I have been more abussive than ever to Master. I feel like he doesn't understand me at all. He says he loves me but I feel like he hasn't weally sat down and actually gotten to know me. I have so much hurt inside and it turns into anger. I don't trust michael at all. He says I'm way too insecure but what can you expect from a girl like me. I'm just a dungeon slave girl who's broken. I feel like damaged goods. Michael says he will go to therapy with me but I don't believe him. I feel like if I just let everything out in therapy with Michael there then maybe he will be more understanding of me. He just thinks I'm a crazy person... but i believe people are the way they are because of their past so therefore you should be more understanding. RIGHT? I guess not to Master... I've been trying so hard to be a normal school girl, but one I'm not in school.... which I want to finish nursing school but it's tougher than it seems. almost done... so close. oh yeah and I'm not normal. I have all these twisted thoughts in my head. Perverted thoughts. Like I constantly think about sex with master. I constantly think dirty thoughts about master doing things to me. It's all just fantasy. Whenever I tell him things he tells me to stop being a freak show and that I am so emo. sigh... I'm a weirdo and I hate it. I want to be normal and happy. Not weird and sad. My dungeon life is over but there are so many stories that I want to share with people. Michael doesn't want to hear my stories of the dungeon. But I feel like I need to let it out and I don't know what to do. I guess it's good for me to have this blog because its possibly a good outlet for weirdness. The dungeon weally broke me. Michael says I act so proud that I used to work at the dungeon but weally I just need someone to talk to about it. He's definitely not someone I can talk to... He always gets stressed out when I cry which is all the time. I feel like a problem to everyone. I feel like a problem to my dad, mom, and now michael. I wish I could just not be a problem. Everyone makes me feel bad about myself or atleast I let them make me feel bad. It must be the submissive in me. I am naturally a submissive girl... Sigh... All i really want is unconditional love. I am the kind of person that needs to be told I love you and showered with hugs and kisses... I don't get that at all at home. Nobody understands that. Everyone thinks I'm just complaining and a baby.